Unexpected Connection 1
by Nikita
Title: "Unexpected Connection"
Author: Nikita
Spoiler: everything...
Warning: Slash, if you don't know what that means chances are you don't wanna know, go watch an x-file repeat and stay safe from my twisted version. Contains m/m hurt/comfort, romance, schmoop, and sex...at some point or another.
Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files or any characters or plot lines associated with it. Chris Carter and the wonderful actors (especially Duchovny) do. I'm not making any profit off this story or the characters within. Don't bother suing, I'm a grad student with lots of student loans...I haven't got a penny.
Author's warning: This is where my little series takes an AU turn into what 'should' happen to M and K now that CC has ended the series on such a sour note...
Additional warning: Character death. But bear with me...it isn't permanent.
Feedback: yes, please, may I have some more?? nik_cleo@hotmail.com
Looking for more? visit me at: www.koukla.net/nikita_slash
This is for Tammy, who wanted a sequel to my U.C. series...hope it is AU enough for you... and by the way...I need coffee... : )
(Krycek)
I watch Mulder glance at his gun for the second time in the last minute. I 'hear' him long for release, but decide to continue for Scully's sake. I watch and I worry. If Scully leaves him...he is finished. He will see her safe and then hole himself up somewhere and end it. I know...I know because I see these thoughts race through his mind.
How did we get here? This all started out as a simple assignment. Gain his trust, keep him from things he shouldn't see or know. But then I fell in love with the fucking bastard and it's been a roller coaster ride ever since.
I made mistakes. All to often... I thought I could regain his trust, give him something back. I failed. I thought I could win with the consortium, gain power in order to blow it wide open. I failed. I joined the resistance in hopes of saving the human race. I failed. I tried to save 'something' by changing sides 'again.' I failed.
So many failures...they make you wonder where the fuck my life went. And now? Now I'm limited to watching...trying to help him, but always out of reach. Just as the physical world is out of reach.
I could have stayed alive. I chose to die. My plan was to push Mulder until he killed me. My desperate actions and words were a plea for Mulder to free me from this existence. After all the pain we'd gone through...I thought he'd be glad to do so. He didn't, but Skinner answered... So I died, and in doing so I opened so many doors... I can go wherever I want. See whatever I want, and 'tell' whomever I want.
I thought that he hated me. Never wanted me near him again. So I actually thought this was the right choice. I'd end my pain and try my best to help him fulfill his goals.
Only it isn't working the way I thought it would. Instead, I find that the only door closed to me, the physical world, is the only one I want back the most. S
eeing, but not touching. Existing, but not living.
It is hell.
And knowing that the one person I want alive and well will soon kill himself...it makes me want to change.
I think back to my choices. If I stay like this, I may still be of some help. Seeing danger before it strikes, exposing secrets, watching over him... This insubstantial body allows for that.
But there 'are' other choices. Being born again. A new life, a fresh start and a clean slate, something an irredeemable man like myself ought to want.
This choice I discard out of hand. In a new body, I lose 'all' memories and start over from scratch. Might be tempting except for two things: Mulder and knowing that the world as we know it is not going to last long enough for a new generation to grow up.
Another choice: possess a body in which the mind has already left or given up. Not appealing since usually it is an invalid or druggie. A body that is damaged or trapped in an institution or hospital? Besides, I want my own body. I can't stand the thought of one that isn't my own.
My own body? Sadly, it isn't a choice. My body began to decay after death and, unlike Mulder, will not be resurrect-able. Besides which the bullet in the brain would be a hindrance, right?
So what choice do I have left?? Well, I am in the semi-unique position of having a clone body awaiting me. Years of being involved in the consortium has afforded the world of Krycek clones. Clones made from my DNA and grown in tanks.
They aren't being used...yet. They are living breathing copies of my body. And they have little to no mind of their own. There 'are' differences. The bodies are whole, no limbs chopped off, no scars besmirch their bodies. So, they are actually 'better' than my old body.
This begs the question - why haven't I seized the chance as well as seized a body? Well, at first it was the chance to help Mulder. To be there at all times without the limits of a physical body. Now? I want to, but if I did possess one of 'my' bodies, it won't likely get far. They are in a high-security holding cell. A prison for clones that have yet to be useful. Also, in jumping into a physical body, there is some risk. Loss of memory or even my 'essence' or soul. Could be a little, could be a lot. Could be temporary, could be permanent.
So, given as a whole, I've yet to attempt it. Too risky. Until now. The threat of Mulder's impending suicide pushes me towards this possibility. I have yet to decide, I hope to persuade Mulder to abandon his fatalistic attitude.
XXX
(Mulder)
Scully woke in the morning and realized the mistake she had made. In deciding to fight the inevitable, she has cut herself off from any chance of a normal life. Where would we go from here? And what about our son? Is he really safer in some stranger's home rather than in our own? She misses him. She misses her mom. She just isn't suited for life on the run. I understand it. I agree. I just have to help her make her decision and she'll be on her way...
She sat me down on the bed and started to explain. I let her speak her piece and then told her I agreed. Wholeheartedly. I wanted her to go back home and fight for our son. Get him back and continue the good fight on her own terms. I told her I'd watch out for her and help when I could. I left it as vague as possible. She seemed disappointed I wouldn't come back with her, but she knew that I couldn't. I was still a wanted man. I was still the target of far too many enemies to come back. It was understood that I would continue on my own way.
She cried, hugged me, and promised to try to clear me and make things safer for me so I could come back someday. I smiled, nodded, and told her I believed in her and then sent her on her way.
So now I sit, staring at the gun as it sits there waiting. I wonder for a moment, 'What am I waiting for? A sign?' I guess I am, I sit and wait until I decide a sign isn't coming. Time to take action. As I reach for the gun, a man appears in the corner of my eye. Grabbing the gun I swing it to meet the figure.
It's Krycek. Dressed in black, as usual. He stands, a sad bemused look on his face. "What? Why act in self-defense when you're planning to kill yourself, Mulder? Seems a little hypocritical to me."
My throat burns and my heart races. The moment is here. "Habit. An automatic reaction. Plus, I'd rather do it myself. No reason to let the bastards have the pleasure." I twist my lips into what I'm sure is a grimace instead of the smile I aim for.
His eyes darken, brow furrowing. "Oh? And yet, you're doing exactly what they want you to do. Giving up. Why, Mulder? After we sacrificed so much..."
I have to laugh at that. "Exactly. We sacrificed TOO much. I'm through. I don't want to play the game anymore. I want...I thought you said you were waiting for me?" My gun had remained trained on him; so I turn it to my head. My hand is shaking for some weird reason and I try to steady it. It wouldn't do to miss. To accidentally turn myself into a vegetable instead of a corpse.
Alex's image steps closer, angrily. "So you're going to hurry it along, are you? I told you I would wait for you. I'm not going anywhere. Life is short enough as it is." Goddamn, my hand. Fucking thing is shaking too hard.
"And sometimes it's too long." I answer angrily.
This isn't how I wanted it to go. I wanted to end it quietly, peacefully and be with him. Away from this complicated life. Instead he draws me into an argument, trying to get my passion awakened. Does he think I don't know what he is doing? It doesn't matter. I made up my mind. He is trying to change it because he cares...because he loves me.
That thought gives me the peace I need and my anger slowly disappears and is replaced with a calm acceptance that is far more suitable with what I plan to do. My hand still shakes, but far less than before. I can control the angle of the gun better.
I smile calmly, "It's going to be all right, Alex. I know what I want. And I 'do' love you for trying, but-"
This makes him immeasurably angry, "Don't you fucking do this to me, Mulder. Don't you get all fucking calm and accepting! Don't be fucking patronizing! Don't you fucking end your life!"
I can't help but smile at that. It'll all be okay once it is over. I should do it now so there is no more need to argue. Prolonging it is only bringing us both pain.
I lift the gun, "It's okay..."
"No, Mulder! DON'T-!"
<BANG!>
XXXXXXXX
(Krycek)
I wait in the plane of existence in which the dead exist. It is impossible to describe to the living, so I won't try. But it exists and is peaceful...or at least as peaceful as we make it.
I wait. Neither needing to sit nor stand, I just wait. I could present myself in this spirit form that is shapeless and formless, but as it is Mulder's first arrival to this plane so I decide to take on my previous physical form: my body as it looked like before my death and black clothes, as I wore in life. My spirit contracts and expands to conform to the shape and size of my former body. I carefully check and make sure my appearance is not wanting or horrifying. Mulder will need reassurance now that he is... I can't say the word, yet. It's too fucking hard.
Mulder 'awakens' in his own physical form looking just as he did moments before his death. All new arrivals seem to arrive this way. It is only after adjustment and reawakening to they learn to lose it and exist purely. He is lying down on the 'ground,' his body stretched out as if sleeping, opening his 'eyes' he sees me.
"Where am I?"
"Not where. What are you? You're dead. Congratulations, Mulder. Happy now?" I'm angry, and I'm not going to hide it. Why should I?
He 'stands' and can 'sense' his surroundings, exploring it and its limits as all new arrivals do. I let him do so without interrupting. Finally, he 'turns' back to me. "Yes. I suppose so. Not what I expected."
"What did you expect?"
He 'laughs' "I don't know. Aren't 'you' happy now? Won't you stop yelling at me long enough to greet me properly?" He 'reaches' out to me, physical body stretching out a hand even as his pure form leans to reach out without it.
I resist. Much as I want to, I cannot give in yet. This is wrong. Utterly wrong. We weren't finished. Nothing is resolved in the physical world. Nothing he lived for was accomplished. How can we just forget it?
He can now hear everything I think; at this thought he stops trying to reach out. He ponders my question. As much as he wants to be with me, he realizes that his action was selfish. He now wonders the consequences of the rash decision. It is easier to do so objectively now. Alive and in his body, his mind was clouded from 'pure' thinking. He felt far many more emotions and they became too distracting and consuming for him to think of Scully, Skinner, William, and the fate of humanity.
Now, now he can 'see' far more clearly and I can feel his regret. "You were right...I was selfish. My death will hurt Scully terribly. She may even think I was murdered and made to look like a suicide. And William, he'll never know me as his father. Why didn't I think of that? Why was I so selfish??" His thoughts are once again filled with emotion and pain even without his physical body. His 'body' crumples, he 'sobs', and his wailing is a chilling feeling I feel at the core of my spirit.
I regret my hasty words, though they were necessary. Mulder's state of anguish is not uncommon with suicides. Most realize their selfish mistake soon after their death. But as much as his pain hurts me, it also makes me more determined. The idea I had had before is still valid. More complicated, but still possible.
Before, I had planned to convince him to live. Get him to put the gun away and then clue him in on the possibility of a new body for me. Outside the consortium holding, he may have been able to free the clone body, now we will have to do it together.
For I know yet another dirty little consortium secret that is hidden to humanity: there are Mulder clones, as well.