"What We Need Now is Trust, Part Four" by Nikita
by Nikita nik_cleo@hotmail.comSpoilers: All right...there may be a FEW references to season 8, but they are few and far between...season 7 is really all you need to know. Aren't you glad? : )
Summary: No more giving away the story...you'll just have to read it and find out!! : P
Series: 4/?
Pairing: M/K
Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files or any characters or plot lines associated with it. Chris Carter and the wonderful actors (especially David Duchovny and Nicolas Lea) do. I'm not making any profit off this story or the characters within. Don't bother suing, I'm a full time grad student with lots of student loans...I haven't got a penny.
Warning: Slash, if you don't know what that means chances are you don't wanna know, go watch an x-file repeat and stay safe from my twisted version. Contains m/m hurt/comfort, romance, schmoop, and sex...finally!! And mpreg (happy now, I've spoiled the surprise!). If this squicks you go away, go away!
Archive: DitB, Slashing Mulder, Gossamer. All other ask first, please. It's my baby, I'd really like to know where it ends up : )
Author's note:
^ means telepathic communication. This is an unbeta'd work, you are forewarned! This is a series, there are 3 parts before this one. They can all be found at the Basement.Also, this part was made possible by all the wonderful feedback I received from the first 3 parts. I know I can't leave you guys hanging...so I keep on writing...ignoring all homework...the sacrifices we writers must make... : P
What We Need Right Now is Trust
by Nikita
Part Four"Alex?..." Krycek burrowed his head deeper into his pillow. "Aaallleeex" his lover singsonged into his ear. " I know you can hear me, lover. Hey!" Mulder yelped as Krycek batted him on the head with another nearby pillow.
The two had been dozing in bed that evening after a particularly exhausting round of 'exercise.' Alex could have easily rested a little longer, but his errant lover obviously had other ideas. Rolling over to face him, Alex noticed that Mulder was pouting. 'Oh, for god sakes it was a pillow!' Deciding it was better to just cater to Mulder's little hormonal problem he apologized, "I'm sorry, okay? What did you want, I was enjoying a nice post-coital daze you know." There, let the man's ego preen about his sexual prowess this evening. Predictably Mulder brightened up at that.
"Oh, never mind then. You need your rest." Mulder looked a little smug. Bastard.
"No, I think I've recovered, what was it?" Mulder dropped the smug act and returned to his wheedling tone again. "I was just wondering if you were hungry. I am."
Alex eyed him incredulously, "Fox, you can't possibly be hungry. You ate that extra large pizza practically by yourself not two hours ago. Not to mention the wings." Mulder's appetite had apparently fully recovered from depression.
Out went Mulder's lower lip again. "Alex! I did NOT eat that whole pizza myself...you had three slices and you said you didn't want any wings." Fox's voice switched from insulted to sweet with the next, "Besides, I was thinking more along the lines of dessert. Something sweet...how about some Ted Drewes?" Alex groaned, but he knew he'd be heading out the door as soon as he found his pants. He couldn't deny Mulder anything lately, not even frozen custard.
*X*
A month or so had passed since they'd come to live near Alex's family. They'd rented a small, but comfortable apartment and bought an SUV. Mulder had known better than to question where the money had come from. Alex had simply stated that he had more than enough tucked away for them both to live comfortably for two lifetimes. There were times that Mulder chafed at being a 'kept man' (his words, not Alex's). One particular incident led Alex to blurt out, "If it bothers you so damn much than call your friends and get your own money wired to you."
That particular comment caused a full-blown panic attack. Doubling over he'd started hyperventilating so hard and fast that Alex had dropped to his knees before him and grabbed his shoulders.
"Fox! Fox, listen to me. It's okay, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Shh, baby, it's okay..." Alex felt horribly guilty. He hadn't meant to trigger an attack, but it didn't take much. A thunderstorm, an unexpected touch by a stranger, and now Alex had discovered any mention of resuming contact with Scully, the FBI, or anyone from his old life.
Mulder slowly calmed down, sinking to his knees next to Alex and relaxing under the other man's touch, he lowered his head onto Alex's shoulder. Deliberately breathing slow and deep breaths he remained silent, clutching Alex's arms, but avoiding his eyes.
"Fox? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
"No, no I'm the one that's sorry. I was being a bastard. I just don't want to be a burden to you and I was feeling like one since you are paying for everything and sharing your family with me and what am I giving in return?"
Alex was shocked, he'd known that Mulder's ego was a bit bruised at being 'kept,' but he'd had no idea that Mulder felt like a burden. "You are NOT a burden, Fox Mulder. I love you. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that the money is not an issue with me. Fuck, I'd sign half of it over to you if you'd let me. I want you to feel a PART of my family, not in the way. Do you know that my family loves you? It's true, my sisters are all jealous, you know. And Mari told me...she told me that I was a damned lucky man to have you in my life and I'm easier to get along with now." Alex chuckled, he knew that having Mulder in his life lately had made him smile and laugh more than he'd ever done in his life...even before the consortium.
Mulder just shook his head, not necessarily denying Alex's words. "I love you, too. It's...you know it is difficult for me to say that. My parents didn't...they didn't say it. Ever. And once Samantha was taken I didn't feel like I had anyone really. And I didn't. Not until you. It's not that I doubt you love me. But, I need to get over this fear I guess. I need to at least contact the Lone Gunmen and have them send me some of my things and set up my account for me again. I can't deal with Scully, yet, though. Or Skinner. I'll deal with them later. Okay?"
Alex was relieved. "Okay. Let's contact your friends. But Mulder there's...what are we going to do about the baby? You're starting to show and it seems to be growing pretty fast. And we need to get you examined..."
Mulder went rigid. "NO!" he tried to stand up and run, Alex clung to him scared he'd do himself harm.
"Mulder...Mulder you know you have to be examined by a doctor. Lisa, we need to make sure it's okay. And we need to make plans. How are we going to handle the birth? You're going to need a c-section and we need to find a surgeon we can trust, nurses...equipment. My brother is a doctor, but he's in orthopedics and well...I haven't a clue how to break this to the family, yet. I just don't know who we can trust. Maybe...maybe we should contact Scully-" Alex didn't really want Scully either. He didn't want his lover to be reunited with his beloved partner. She'd probably make him see the error of his ways and drag him back to D.C.
"No! She...I can't..." Mulder was no longer struggling, but he still couldn't bear the thought of Scully finding him like this. He didn't want to have anything to do with his old life. It wasn't safe. He had an overwhelming fear that if he went back to D.C. 'they' would find him, which was ridiculous because 'they' had taken him in Oregon. It didn't matter where he was. Still, the perceived threat and the thought of his friends finding out about his condition scared him. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want them to know. When he was with Alex he felt accepted and loved. He didn't feel like a freak, Alex was actually happy that Mulder carried their child; it didn't bother him that Mulder wasn't a 'pure' human. Mulder shuddered to think of what might happen if his hybrid status reached the wrong ears. The consortium may have been officially defeated, but he knew better than to think they were no longer a threat.
Unable to articulate his fears to Alex he let them flow through the link he opened between them. "Oh, Fox. You're right to be careful. There's always a chance someone escaped the purges, but you never have to worry about that cancer-ridden son of a bitch. He's dead. I did it myself." Krycek had pushed the man down the stairs; enraged that the evil bastard had tricked him into sending Mulder to the UFO and then had the audacity to insinuate he'd betrayed Mulder on purpose. Once he'd reached the foot of the stairs he'd stepped over the body, turned and given him three bullets in the brain. No miraculous resurrection this time, he'd sent Spender to the devil for good.
Alex could feel the overwhelming relief that came over Mulder. He was suddenly grateful that he'd been able to ease some of the fear from his lover. Who knew confessing to a murder could feel good?
*X*
Mulder contacted his friends that evening. "Guys, it's me. Turn off the tape."
There was a click and then Frohike asked cautiously, "Mulder?"
"Yeah, Fro. It's me. I'm...back. I could use a favor..."
"Mulder, man, how long have you been back? Are you okay? What do you need?"
"It hasn't been long. Look, I was hoping to get at my money, but I don't want to be traced..."
"Say no more, dude, just tell us where you want it set up. But Mulder...what about Scully? You've talked to her, right?"
Mulder pointedly ignored the question about Scully and focused on giving his friends the bank and location he'd chosen. As he was speaking, however, Scully knocked on the door of the Lone Gunmen.
She'd been visiting every once in a while; partly to get updates on the latest UFO activity and any other information the three men could provide, but also because she missed Mulder and felt closer to him there. Byers, too startled to even say hi, let her in. Walking into their main room she could hear a voice on the speakerphone that Frohike and Langly were leaning over. The voice stopped her cold, her jaw dropping.
"Mulder?!" Scully ran over to the phone and grabbed the receiver.
"Oh. Uh, Scully..." Mulder was at a loss as to what to say.
"Mulder, where are you? Are you okay?!"
"Yeah, I'm fine, Scully. I- I'm fine." Mulder desperately wanted to hang up, but knew he couldn't.
"Where are you? I've been looking for you-"
"Oh, I'm...I'm staying with a friend. I'm okay, I've been back a few weeks..."
Scully went from shock to relief and back to shock and now anger. "What friend?! Where are you, why haven't you contacted me?"
"I'm sorry, Scully. I just- I wasn't sure it was a good idea to come back to D.C. now and...well I should have called you, but..."
"But, what?! Mulder, where are you?" Scully gritted her teeth to keep from screaming her frustration. What was going on? How could he not contact her? Who was this friend??
Mulder sighed. He couldn't do this to her. He was being a horrible person not contacting Scully. How could he not have called her before. Still, he didn't want to tell her where he was. He realized there was only one thing to do...he had to go to D.C. If he didn't tell her where he was she'd just get it out of the Lone Gunmen and come anyway. He couldn't put Alex in that position, it would reveal his location and his family. Besides, he had to tie up the loose ends waiting for him back on the East Coast. There was no getting around it. Knowing Cancerman was dead and Alex's understanding earlier had quenched much of his panic at going back. 'I can do this. I have to. I'll sell the apartment, pack what I want and officially quit. I can't go back to work there and I can't live there anymore.'
"Look, Scully, I'm going to get a flight back to D.C. I'll meet you at my apartment. I'll call when I get there."
She didn't like his evasiveness, but was relieved he was going to meet her, "All right, Mulder. Call me."
Mulder hung up and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. This wasn't good. Now he'd have to explain to Alex when he got home from his sister's. Alex was visiting Natalia, they were pretty close. Natalia was the youngest of the family and Alex was very protective of her. She'd been having trouble with an emotionally abusive boyfriend and called Alex after breaking up with him this afternoon. Alex was glad she'd broken up with him, but furious at the man that had told Natalia she was fat and a slut. Mulder had been upset, too. He really liked Natalia, she was NOT fat, just curvy and actually a very shy and sweet girl. So, he'd been thrilled to hear she had dumped the jackass. Still, he'd had to stop Alex from leaving with his gun. Mulder smiled, remembering how he'd managed to talk down his hot-tempered lover.
"Alex, you can't shoot the man for being a bastard."
"Oh yes I can. He called her a slut!"
"Alex, she dumped him. She just wants you to go and talk to her...not start a bloodbath." Mulder slowly approached his lover who was breathing fast, his green eyes flashing dangerously. Alex remained stiff and silent, not giving in.
"You know, you look pretty damn sexy all riled up like that." Mulder's voice turned low and husky, his approach turned into a saunter, he noticed Alex's eyes dilate and his stance became a little looser, less angry. Mulder slowly pulled Alex away from the direction of their guns. He gave him a slow hard kiss designed to completely distract the man from his anger. Alex resisted at first and then responded hungrily. Parting, Alex let out a frustrated sigh. "Damn, what did you do that for? You know I have to go over there now..." Alex just wanted to throw Mulder down on the bed and ravage him.
Mulder smiled slyly. "Well, I guess I'll just have to make it up to you later, hmmm?" Alex had kissed him again hard and grabbed his leather jacket. "You bet you will. I'll go console her and you go take a nap...you're gonna need it." With that he'd left in a hurry.
Now, Mulder lay in bed waiting for Alex's return, but he wasn't looking forward to it as he had been. Now he was going to have to tell Alex he was leaving for the airport at 8:00 in the morning. Alex would be upset...overprotective and would insist on coming. But he knew that it was even more dangerous for Alex to be seen in D.C. than for Mulder. He wanted his lover to be safe and be with his family. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the lock turn and footsteps down the hall. Slipping a hand under the pillow where his gun lay, he tensed...just in case.
Alex slipped into the room and smiled to see Mulder's carefulness. He was glad for Fox's paranoia...it kept the man alive longer. "Hey...you been waiting for me, Lisa?" his voice soft and seductive as he stripped off his jacket. But he paused before taking off his top when he noticed the worried expression on Fox's face.
After Mulder explained the situation Alex sat there for a moment, a stony mask on his features. Mulder started to worry, "Alex, I'm just going to let Scully know I'm okay and to tie up the loose ends. We knew I had to do this sooner or later..."
Alex relaxed a little realizing that Mulder was trying to reassure him he was coming back. "I know, Fox. It's okay. I was just thinking about how to do this as safe as possible."
"Alex-" "Fox, you better not be trying to tell me I'm not coming. I'm coming, period."
Together they packed and Mulder got another ticket. As they boarded the plane, Mulder felt extremely nervous, he was worried about his seeing Scully. He was worried about Alex. He was wondering just what they were flying back to.
*X*
Alex let them into Mulder's apartment with his lock pick. After all, it wasn't like the aliens had been so kind as to return his house key. Entering, Mulder was startled to find Scully standing in the middle of his living room, gun in hand. She lifted to point it at Alex who had stepped protectively in front of Mulder.
Mulder quickly pulled Alex behind him, having to use all his strength to budge him, but succeeding. "Scully, stop. He's with me."
Scully stared uncomprehendingly for a moment. Then slowly lowered her weapon, but didn't put it away.
"Mulder? What is he doing here?"
"He's who I've been with the last month or so. It's fine. Let's sit down, huh? I don't suppose I have anything in my fridge to offer you, though." he lamely tried to break the tension. Scully backed up and sat stiffly in a chair, hand still clutching the gun and Alex equally stiff sat next to Mulder on the couch, ready to grab his gun at a moment's notice.
"Okay, look...this is a long story, Scully, how about putting the gun away?" Scully slowly put it back in her holster and waited for Mulder to continue.
Haltingly, Mulder told her as briefly as possible what had happened since he'd last seen her. But he left out a lot of details, such as the extent of his tortures on board the colonist ship and the rebels' contribution he was carrying right now. Scully listened tight lipped, glancing at Krycek when Mulder explained how he'd helped him on the ship and how they were now living together. When it was over Mulder lapsed into silence and Alex slowly slipped his hand into his.
Scully's eyes narrowed at noticing this. "Mulder, do you think we could talk alone for a minute?" Alex seemed to be ready for this as he excused himself to walk towards Mulder's bedroom. "I'll just start packing your things, Fox." Alex knew it would piss Scully off.
Alone, Scully moved to the couch. "Mulder, what is going on here? Why are you with him?" Scully's voice had dropped to a whisper, "Do you need help?" Scully clearly thought Alex was somehow holding him hostage. Mulder knew she meant well so he tried to be gentle.
"Look, Scully. I know I've been distrustful of Alex in the past, but...he really came through for me on the ship and after... he loves me...and, Scully I love him." She stared in shock at her former partner.
"It's true. I've always been attracted to him, but I never trusted him and I felt I was right not to. But, now...he was working for the resistance...had been for a while. And he loves me and...it's complicated. But I want you to know that I'm happy. I came here to settle my accounts, the apartment and officially quit."
Scully grew very cold inside. Mulder had somehow been brainwashed into thinking Alex Krycek was trustworthy and that he loved Mulder. The aliens...or the consortium, or both had somehow done this. And she could tell he was holding something important back. She knew him so well. She'd known that he was 'flexible' sexually. She'd seen the porn often enough. She'd even guessed he found Krycek attractive...hell who wouldn't be? But this...this was impossible. But as she looked at Mulder's pleading eyes, she knew that she would have to go along with it for now. If she was too disapproving...too harsh, he'd leave and cut her out of his life. Resigned, she decided to focus on what he was hiding...she suspected it was a medical problem.
"All right, Mulder. I don't really understand what it is between you two right now, but I want you to know I'm still your friend and your partner. Now, what is it you don't want to tell me? Are you feeling all right?"
Damn, she knew him too well. He was so relieved at her acceptance of him even if she didn't approve of Krycek that he wondered if he could reveal his secret. He didn't want to...but Alex had been right. They needed to know what was going on inside his body. He needed to be examined...no matter how much it frightened him. And Scully was the only one he trusted to take care of the details of the 'birth' as well. She had connections. He trusted her with his life. He had to tell her.
"Scully, there is something. But, not here. Later...we'll go somewhere...safer." With that they decided to grab a late lunch. The three ate their lunches in tense silence for the most part. Mulder usually would have tried to fill the void with sarcastic comments and try to bait his companions, but he didn't feel up to it. He was focused on the upcoming revelation to Scully. He'd told Alex what he'd planned on the way to the restaurant. His lover had reluctantly agreed that it was necessary and was supportive. Now, Alex went to the counter to pay the check while Mulder stayed at the table with Scully to leave a tip.
"All right. Meet us here." He wrote down their hotel and room number on a slip of paper. "And Scully? Bring your black bag." Scully nodded, she'd known it was something to do with his health. The bastards had hurt her Mulder. She'd do her best to help him...
*X*
Arriving back at the hotel, Mulder went to take a shower. Scully had said she'd meet them there in an hour. Alex hung up their jackets and then picked up the trail of clothes his messy lover had strewn in a trail leading to the bathroom. Entering, he expected to see Mulder washing, but instead found him hunched over, hands flat on the wall in front of him, letting the water cascade down his body. He seemed so tense.
"Hey, baby, you want a little company?" Alex stripped and joined Mulder before the other man could respond. Slipping in behind him, he started soaping Mulder's back, massaging as he went. Mulder sighed and leaned into his touch. Alex enjoyed the feel of Mulder's smooth slightly tanned skin and was pleased to note that Mulder had finally started to fill out after all those months of deprivation on board the ships. Mulder had been swimming in their apartment's pool. With Alex, or course. Alex claimed to need the exercise as well...and he did...but it was mostly to protect Mulder.
So Mulder was toning his long lean muscles once more, losing most of his skinny fragileness that had been so marked on the ship and after. Alex loved to watch Mulder swim, he always had. Remembering that day at the FBI pool when Mulder had come up in that skimpy Speedo always got Alex's blood rushing south. "Hey, Fox. Remember that time I came to get you at the pool when we were partners? You were wearing that little Speedo..."
"Hmm, yeah" Mulder chuckled. "Liked that, huh?" Alex pinched his butt.
"Ow, hey!"
"You flirt, you knew I was going crazy trying not to notice, didn't you?"
"Weellll, I guess so. Okay, yeah I knew. I just thought you were uncomfortable, though. And you were in that awful suit...you must've been itching to get out of it." Mulder teased.
"Oh, yeah, but I wanted to get you out of that Speedo, too. You were so unbelievably hot I was worried I was going to start stuttering and staring. You were so sexy. You ARE so sexy." Alex's hands started to move more purposely.
They were startled by a knock on the door.
"Damn it! I thought you said she'd be an hour!"
"That's what she said, guess she couldn't wait to get her stethoscope on me. Go answer it will you, I need to rinse off."
Alex glared at his lover, but hurriedly dried off and threw on his jeans, not bothering with a shirt.
The knocking got more insistent. "Yeah, yeah, keep your shorts on!" Alex jerked the door open. Scully seemed about to protest his words, but then caught sight of a damp Krycek in only jeans. She snapped her mouth shut and brushed past him, doing her best not to notice.
"Where's Mulder?"
"In the shower. He'll be right out, he needs to rinse off." Krycek sat on the bed and ignored her glare.
Mulder came out dressed in a pair of loose pants and a t-shirt. His belly a slight bulge.
Scully noticed, but didn't think anything of it. "Okay, Mulder, anything you wanted me to examine you for in particular?" She started putting on her gloves and pulled out a stethoscope. Mulder raised an eyebrow to Alex who snorted briefly.
"Well, the thing is Scully...you might want to sit down." Scully raised her eyebrow...she had perfected the art. "Mulder..." she said warningly. Superior doctor attitude well in place.
"All right, Scully, here." He placed her hand on his belly. "I'm pregnant." Scully looked at him blankly. "Huh?" she said brilliantly.
"I'm pregnant. The colonists...they were experimenting on me, I told you. Well, Scully, I'm not completely human. I'm a hybrid. Not like the ones we've seen before. Anyway, they were doing some...'improvements' on me and when the rebels 'rescued' me they wanted to finish the experiment and impregnated me using Alex's genetic material as well as my own."
Scully stared at him...then stared at him some more. 'Either he's crazy or I'm going crazy...' Scully couldn't think of what to say. Then, she lifted the stethoscope and listened to Mulder's belly. Moving it around, she stopped when she heard the unmistakable sound of a heartbeat.
"Holy shit." Scully muttered, she sat down next to Mulder on the bed before she fell down.
"Why, Dana Katherine Scully, what language!" Mulder laughed. He was relieved she hadn't run out yet screaming. But he should have known better. Scully wasn't squeamish and she wasn't scared easily...but she WAS definitely surprised.
"Mulder...we need to get some tests done. How far along are you? You look about four or five months. Have you seen a doctor?"
"Scully, if I saw a doctor and told them I was pregnant I'd be in the psych ward right now...or on the tabloids. Who could I go to? You were the only one I could trust." Alex had been sitting quietly...amused by Scully's reaction, but now a little miffed. Mulder noticed and quickly added, "except Alex, of course. He's been pretty wonderful about all this." Mulder squeezed his lover's hand, now extremely glad Alex had insisted on coming with him. What would he do without him? He didn't want to know the answer to that one.
"I see, well...how far along do you think you are?" she asked again.
Well, about four or five months seems right...everything was hazy and I'm not sure when exactly they impregnated me. I don't know...and I don't know if it's progressing at the same rate as a normal baby. It's not completely human, Scully...I'm not either."
"You're human, Mulder. They may have messed with your DNA, but you are still a human being."
"Well, they thought that most blood tests wouldn't reveal my status unless you really knew what to look for..."
Scully was silently listing all the tests she wanted to order. Her scientific curiosity at its fullest. But where to have them done...it had to be safe, she couldn't trust this information with anyone, Mulder was right. She'd have to perform them herself and analyze the samples alone...no trusting a lab with this. And the equipment...she had a friend with a very prosperous practice that had the latest equipment...time to call in some favors.
She left the two men at the hotel with instructions on where to meet her the next day. She had to arrange for some time off, first. She wondered at what she'd say to Skinner. "Mulder, what about Skinner and your job? When will you talk to him?"
Mulder sighed, "I want to get this all over with as soon as possible. I'll go tomorrow morning. Can you schedule a meeting in his office? Try to keep it quiet..."
*X*
Arriving at the Hoover Building early that morning, Mulder did his best to ignore the stares of his former coworkers. Marching into Skinner's outer office he checked in with Kim, Skinner's personal assistant.
"Agent Mulder! It's so good to see you. How are you? Everyone has been worried about you..."
"Yeah, I'm sure. Thanks, Kim, I'm fine. Is he ready for me?"
Not yet, Agent Scully hasn't arrived, yet. If you'll have a seat..."
Mulder plunked down into the familiar couch and thought back to the time when Scully had tried to fix his tie while waiting on this very couch. It had been during the terrible vampire-pizza boy fiasco. He'd been so irritated and upset. He chuckled now to remember.
"So...Agent Moldah, happy to be back?" Startled, Mulder looked up to see a brown haired man in a suit leaning against the wall next to him. His badge hanging off his lapel said, "Special Agent John Doggett." 'Great, my replacement...'
He took an immediate disliking to the man. He butchered his name...stole his partner and his X-Files while he was being tortured on the ship. All right, to be fair he'd had his name mangled plenty of times and he hadn't really 'stolen' anything. But it didn't mean he had to like the man.
Mulder just raised his eyebrows and said, "Thrilled." At that moment Scully entered, she seemed surprised to see Doggett, but sat down next to Mulder. Doggett seemed to be insulted. He looked jealous. 'Ah, he sees me as a threat to Scully...Good, let the bastard stew in it.' He turned to Scully and they spoke quietly on the details of their meeting later that afternoon. Doggett stared at them a few more minutes than slipped out muttering an excuse.
"Charming partner. You two getting along okay?"
"Doggett? He's fine. We didn't hit it off too well at first, but he's competent."
"Oooh, high praise indeed. Do ya think- " Mulder was interrupted by Skinner opening his door. He gave Mulder an appraising look and then seeming to catch himself he signaled them to enter. Mulder figured Skinner was looking for alien appendages. 'Won't find any appendages, but...' he ruefully avoided touching his belly.
They took their usual seats in front of Skinner's desk. Skinner seemed to want to sit closer, but sat behind his desk as usual.
"Agent Mulder. I have many questions for you, but first...how are you?"
"I'm fine, sir."
Skinner narrowed his eyes, but didn't challenge him. He then went on to drill his agent on his whereabouts, his return, and his plans on returning to the bureau.
Mulder told him the edited version of his story and then told him he wished to resign, he pulled out his letter that he'd brought with him.
Skinner seemed shocked. "Agent Mulder, are you sure-"
"Sir, I'm VERY sure. I no longer feel that I can work with the FBI. I wish to retire from the law enforcement...I'm not sure of what plans I'll be making, but they don't include coming back to D.C."
Skinner seemed to stare into Mulder's eyes for a moment, then looking down at his desk he spoke, "Very well, Agent Mulder. I'll take care of what I can. Closing your file and missing person report...I'll clean up what I can. You do realize the official version will not be completely truthful? They won't accept my own observations from that night."
"I understand, sir. I appreciate everything...I just don't care what the government does or doesn't 'believe' anymore. I want to get on with my life..."
Skinner sighed and nodded. "Believe it or not I DO understand, Mulder. Very well, I accept your resignation."
"Sir, I'd like to request some time off today. Mulder and I need to run some tests..."
"What sort of tests? Mulder are you all right?" Skinner looked concerned.
"Ah, yes, sir. Scully just wanted to make sure. It's nothing." The other man didn't buy it, but declined from saying so.
"Very well, you may go. Mulder...it was an honor working with you." Skinner stood up and reached over his desk with his hand out. Mulder stared back in shock then quickly got to his feet and shook his now ex-boss's hand.
"Likewise, sir. Thank you. Good-bye."
Scully and Mulder left the office together. Skinner stared at the door for a long time. He couldn't believe it was the last time he'd see Mulder. The months since he'd 'lost' Mulder in those woods had been horrible. He'd found himself drinking too much, hating his work...
Skinner finally turned back to his desk. He could deal with this. He'd help Mulder cut his ties here in D.C. and let the man find some peace. It was the least he could do.
*X*
As Scully walked down the hall outside the office she glanced at Mulder. "Are you okay? Are you still sure you want to-"
"Yes, definitely, Sully. I just want to go back to...to leave here."
"All right. Let me finish up some things and I'll meet you where we agreed to last night, okay? By the way, where's Krycek?"
Mulder smiled slightly, "He wanted to come, but we both agreed it's far too dangerous, even with a disguise. He's waiting for me to call..." Mulder glanced at his watch, "...right now. I better go call. He'll be climbing the walls..." Mulder hurried off, a cell phone drawn out of his pocket as he left.
Scully stood staring after him shaking her head. Fox Mulder hurrying off to soothe his lover...unbelievable. 'Damn lucky bastard. He better not hurt Mulder or I'll kill him.'
That evening she let the two men into the empty doctor's office. Leading them to an exam room she clicked on the light, revealing an elevated exam table and assorted clutter of machines and tools. She waved for Mulder to hop up on the table while she turned her back and started rooting through the equipment. She didn't notice his reaction.
Alex did, however. He watched Mulder freeze at the sight of the bed and then start backing out of the room. He bumped right into Alex's chest, but didn't turn, his panicked gaze transfixed on the bed. Alex very gently and very slowly raised his arms up catch Mulder and rub his arms. "Shh...it's okay, Lisa" he whispered in his ear. He was afraid Mulder would either start hyperventilating or go berserk and fight his way out of the office. Instead Mulder started trembling.
Scully looked up, catching Alex's murmur and noticing Mulder's frightened expression. "Mulder? What's wrong?" Mulder didn't react, just kept trembling in Alex's arms, eyes firmly attached to the bed. His mind flashed on various memories of cold hard metal plunging into his ankles, his wrists, his face. He couldn't more...hecouldn'tmovehecouldn'tmove... Mulder started hyperventilating, his hands tightening into fists, his trembling increased, but he still remained silent.
"Mulder..." Scully made to come closer, this broke Mulder's silence and stillness as he suddenly screamed, "NOOOO!" he tried to scramble out of Alex's arms and escape.
Alex clutched him tighter, not letting Mulder bolt. "Scully, stay where you are! Mulder, baby, calm down. Lisa? Lisa! Shhh, Fox, it's okay...." He tried desperately to soothe his lover, but he wasn't responding, just trying to jerk out of his grip. Alex was so desperate he tried something he'd never done before, he tried to open the link between them on his own. Something that Mulder had always had to do before, he didn't think he could do it on his own, but he had to try. Concentrating on the link, he tried to contact Mulder. First with soothing feelings and reassurance and then with words...
^Fox! Fox, it's okay, Lisa. Listen to me. Can you hear me?
There was no response and then finally...^Alex? Alex! Make it stop makeitstopmakeitstop...Help me!
Alex was so relieved he'd broken through, ^It's okay, Lisa...you're not on the ship. You're here with Scully and me. It's okay, please calm down, baby...
Mulder continued to hyperventilate for a few moments until his eyes darted around the room and he seemed to realize where he was. His breathing started to deliberately slow down, his eyes then focused on Alex's and stayed there. He slowed his breathing and then collapsed down on his knees, Alex dropping down with him. They sat huddled on the floor, arms wrapped around each other, Mulder shuddering as he clutched Alex close.
Scully stayed where she was. Still stunned into stillness by Krycek's command a few moments before. Alex finally looked up at her and communicated for her to take a look at the exam table. She looked over and noticed that the metal table was covered with a pad and a sheet, but part of the sheet was flipped up, revealing the shiny metal beneath. She looked back at Alex who glared at her, green eyes darkening. She realized that the metal was what had likely upset Mulder, she snapped to and threw a couple of sheets over the bed, thoroughly hiding the metal from view. Alex relaxed and nodded to her, turning his focus back on Fox.
Mulder had finally worn himself out, his clenched fists easing off of Alex's shirt, which was thoroughly creased. He drew a shaky sigh and leaned back. Alex dipped his head down to try to catch Mulder's eyes. "Fox? Are you all right? Do you want to leave now?" he asked quietly. Mulder looked up and then shook his head. His voice hoarse, "No. No I'm okay..." he shakily stood up with Alex's help. Mulder turned to face Scully, his face sheepish.
"Sorry about that..." he studiously avoided looking at the offending bed.
"No, Mulder, I'm sorry. I-"
"It's okay, Scully. Look, let's just get this over with, okay?" He then straightened up and squared his shoulders; walking over to the table he hopped up and swung his legs over the side. Alex walked over to stand next to him, he held out his hand in offering. Mulder smiled and then took it, clutching it tightly, but saying nothing. Scully pushed a chair over so Alex could sit and then began setting up the equipment. She kept up a running chatter on what she was doing, hoping to ease Mulder's mind.
Finished, she lifted Mulder's shirt up high. She'd already had him unbutton his pants and lower them to his hips. She now squirted some goop on his belly.
"Shit! Scully that's COLD!" Mulder whined, sounding normal. Scully grinned back. "Whoop, sorry." Sounding nothing like the kind. "You did drink all that water I told you to, right?"
"Yeah, yeah. You better get a move on it, though. I've got to go..." Mulder squirmed on the bed. Scully began to move the wand on his belly, focusing on the screen. Finally finding the fetus, she stopped and pointed out the little bitty object on the screen. Both men stared and wondered what they were supposed to be seeing. It didn't look like a baby to them. Scully continued to point it out and then just huffed, "Look, trust me, it's there. And as far as I can tell it looks human, but we still need to do some tests..." Mulder nodded, but looked queasy. Scully realized there was no way she could subject him to the amnio she had wanted to do. The very idea of pulling out that big needle quickly deterred her.
"Don't worry, Mulder. I just want to take some blood for now. We can start there...okay?" Mulder nodded shakily and allowed her to draw blood, left hand firmly gripping Alex's. When she was done she cleaned up after herself and led them out the door. They agreed to let Scully do her lab work and wait for her call. Mulder told her they'd probably be cleaning out his apartment for the next two days.
Scully got into her car, but waited until they had left. She sat there thinking about the shocking tenderness and ease at which Alex had comforted Mulder. Holding his hand, calling him Lisa (what was up with that??) and just being there for him. She started to wonder if she'd been wrong...maybe the man did have some redeeming qualities...
*X*
Mulder walked into the hotel room, quickly followed by Alex. They decided to take a quick shower, Mulder wanting to wash off the traces of sticky goop from his belly. They washed quietly, no teasing this time and then stumbled into bed. Mulder lay on his side quietly, then snuggled up to Alex, who gladly wrapped his arms around him.
"I'm sorry I freaked out on you again..."Mulder said in a hushed voice. Alex tightened his arms around him.
"You know you have no need to apologize, Fox. I would have done the same thing.... remember how you soothed me on the ship? You know I'm claustrophobic. I can't stand small dark spaces. You don't mind when I have to open up the windows at night sometimes." Alex reminded him.
"Of course not...I love you, Alex. I'm so glad you came with me. I couldn't have done this without you..."
"Oh? Good. Maybe you won't try ditching me like when we were partners." Alex teased, knowing Mulder needed a little lightening up.
Fox chuckled, "Did that bug you? I did it to all my partners...gotta keep them on their toes..." Alex slugged him with a pillow which of course Mulder had to retaliate with his own. They slugged one another until Mulder started tickling Alex. Squirming, Alex finally started begging Mulder to stop.
"Stop! Stop! I give! You win!" he panted.
"I do? What do I win?" Fox smiled smugly, his tickling turning into caresses as he started licking a trail down Alex's body.
*X*
Continued in Chapter 5